The Form

“No recycling today”, I said to Oz, as I served up some tofu scramble and left over lasagna for breakfast. He was looking at me with the obvious expression that something was up.“Will you cover my shift”, he asked. “No way, I got stuff to do”, I said. His expression shrunk back to his usual friendly smile.

“Oh well… We’ll miss you out there”, he replied.

I didn’t care about recycling just then. I was looking forward to attending some of the workshops, as well as spending a few hours on the beach just enjoying the beautiful day. The schedule was just over flowing with a whirlpool of classes and workshops. At two pm, Bernie Prior was offering a workshop on something called, “The Form”, and later in the afternoon I had my eye on Tantra Yoga.

Feeling refreshed and full, I set off for a contemplative walk through the forest. The small trails wandered through the dunes and through the ferns and tall grasses. I found a quiet spot to enjoy the sight and sounds of the moment. Again, walking on, barefoot, I noticed that the forest spilled out onto the beach in little patches of shrubs, and sand, mixing according to some unknown law of order and chaos. I finally stepped out onto the beach, took a deep breath, sat down, and promptly fell asleep. I guess staying up all night finally caught up with me!

I woke up peacefully, but then jumped to my feet hoping that the workshop by Bernie Prior had not started yet. I arrived late, of course, and was quite surprised when I saw Bernie’s students doing some kind of healing on the participants. I had no idea what “The Form” was so I just took a seat and watched. The leaders of the workshop were standing over the participants and moving slowly through a set of organized movements. They would move their hands slowly, aligning energy or something within the participants. I sat and watched this go on for a while and sooner or later a session would end, kind words exchanged, and the participants would head off to somewhere else. Or should I say they would float off to somewhere else: They looked so peaceful and grateful! Now they had my attention. I was intrigued!

A serene looking woman motioned for me to take a seat, and just like that it was my turn. She instructed me to just close my eyes and focus on my breath. So I sat back and began to get relaxed. As the session began I became aware of her movements in front of me. I felt nothing unusual and after a while I started feeling a bit self conscious. I thought to myself that it wasn’t working, and that I wouldn’t know what to say when it was over. “Oh well”, I thought, “at least it is relaxing to just sit here. No harm I guess”

I settled into the familiar feeling of peace and non-dual awareness of meditation, and waited to see what would happen. “Oh wow”, I thought as I was surprised by a feeling of expansive bliss. Something just opened up inside like a curtain, being drawn back and a bright light of love shone down on me. The light was visible to my mind’s eye and I danced with it, swirling and vibrating, mixing and melding. I felt like a new born baby, and a perfectly clear awareness of Truth shed wisdom on my life experience as the person known as “Terry”.

Then the tears came…

The presence of Truth was so blissful and so full of compassion for everything and everyone. In this bright fire of Truth all the memories of suffering of the world burned and disintegrated. My heart was purified and I seemed to transcend the fragments of ego and selfishness. All this occurred in the realm of experience: not a single word was spoken, no teaching was given, nothing. Between the tears of joy and compassion and release, I began to laugh. I simply could not contain the joy. I could not hold back the smile that jittered and danced across my soul. The happiness simply overwhelmed me.

Then the peace came...

I too, like the others, slowly came back to reality, shared a few peaceful words of thanksgiving, and then parted ways with the guide. I had experienced something that I had few words to explain, and few experiences to compare to. In my next blog I will step off into the unknown and attempt to share my understanding of this experience and how it relates to spirituality at large. Please stay tuned and post comments or send me an email if you wish. Thanks for reading and sharing with me.

The promise of renewal

Curling waves of energy formed, crested, and crashed in the broad expanse of my consciousness, while the sands of time poured ceaselessly, settling in the abyss. I was floating free in the bliss of meditation, and with each breath the cool night air mingled with the warmth in my chest. My mind was drifting like a ship heaved too in calm weather. Occasionally I would pull my awareness back to the vision as it unfolded and evolved. The stars turned overhead, and slowly, without noticing, the eternal calm of the night gave way to the coming dawn.

I awoke in a flash when the first sliver of the new sun peirced my awareness. I instinctively pulled my eyes shut against the blaze and took a deep breath, the events of the night coming back to me in a rush. After the music had ended and after our bodies had tired of dancing the crazy shaman dance, our rag tag group of friends decided to go down to the beach to enjoy a fire. Someone then had the brilliant idea that we should all stay up through the night to see the sunrise. So we lit the fire and passed the time telling stories of traveling and of our other lives that we lived while not on the road. I had dressed warm and was comfortable in the night air. When it had become quite late and we were all inevitably drifting off to sleep, I wandered off to be alone. Upon settling down on the edge of a small dune I piled the sand up under me to make a place to sit and meditate. My mind wandered the memories created in those days, and the memories of a lifetime.

I remembered the conversation I had with a guy from Auckland. He was young but I could tell that he had seen a lot of trouble in his life. We had sat together by the fire and he wondered aloud about all the craziness in the world. His stories of calamity and suffering blended one into the next. I didn’t even try to remember them, but it stuck that he was pretty much abandoned by his family and he had turned to the festivities of the Prana festival as a fresh start, too much trouble with drugs and fighting with his dad over work and what he was doing with his life. It seemed like everyone at Prana had a story to tell and I was no exception.

With the bright orange light of the sunrise shining in my eyes, I thought about why I was there at the Prana Festival and about why I had set off on this grand adventure. Was I looking for a fresh start, or running from some past that I still could not understand? Na...

“Renewal!”, I thought to myself as I leapt to my feet shaking off the chill of the night. I stretched my arms out wide and smiled from ear to ear, a new day had begun.

Serpentine grass

Here, now, among the serpentine grass, scrub oak and willow, our great mother breathes in deep, settling into the bright green of renewal and lightness. This moment is something we who live here hold in our hearts, we drink it in, before ascending into the long season of dry and dust. This moment is the depth of our winter. It is the silence of our stillness.


Sometimes we don't see the change from the castle of our busy lives, but the body is always aware. It knows when we don’t. It will breath in this renewal while we sleep, and while we drive by the lush green fields and mushroom tops.

My New Year's resolution?

Awareness.