Synchronicity

Today, synchronicity played its hand. While pondering the nature of reality, over coffee, of course, I ran into a poet. Through a bit of teamwork a fluid expression of truth emerged. We went through several versions before the final draft was settled upon. It is simple and short, but, to me at least, it says a lot. Enjoy.

Separation, is

a shadow cast.

Itself proof

of light, at last!

Infinite Possibility

In the moment that the shattering of the shell occurs, the breaking open of the heart, I emerge. Enveloped in a sweet sublime light. I settle on soft green grass beneath the shade of a sacred oak. I feel light. I feel free.

I am free.

I am timeless spirit.

I am unbounded joy.

In the opening of the heart all things are possible.

In this sacred space I know who I am. I exist in two worlds, yet they are united, there is no separation. One is eternal. The other, the world of form, of name, of body, of mind, passes away, changes, dissapears, and then returns. Again and again I feel the suffering and the joy of earthly life.

The Eternal is pure bliss consciousness. In this I am truly free and limitless. It too appears hidden at times when the manifest world is mistaken as real. The recognition of our timelessness overwhelms any idea of limitation or separation.

I exist in both these worlds. They are united, there is no separation. I accept the limitations of the manifest world, and I let go. I fly free in the limitless ocean of bliss.

Into the Himalayas

I bought tea for these guys in Badrinath. Interestingly it was a bit difficult to buy tea for just a few because there were many wandering and 'homeless' pilgrims around town. If I announced that I was buying tea, then I would have been on the hook to buy tea for a hundred people. I had to motion with a little gesture of the head that they should follow me into a little tea shop. "Chai! Chai! Chai!", is the chant heared on the street from morning to night. It was cold in this high mountain place so the hot tea was a good support for body and mind.

Badrinath has an old temple right on the edge of the river that flows through town. You have to cross an old bridge and take off your shoes and buy some prasad to leave as a blessing. Then past the guards and into the central hall to see the temple statues. I beleive this temple was intially built by a mega-master of spiritual power who went by the name of Adi Shankara. It was only a few weeks earlier that I noticed a picture of a monk meditating on a leopard skin and was somehow attracted to it. It turns out it was Shankara and it truly amazed me how it seemed he called out to me through the ages.

It would be truly impossible to express the depth of who he is and what his teaching represents. So I will leave you with the invitation to look into it for yourself. The depth of the Vedic tradition is like the vastness of time and space itself, of which Shankara's work is but a small piece.

Sri Ramakrishna

A mother loves all her children equally, but she so arranges the food for them that everyone gets what agrees with him. Similarly, the Lord has provided different forms of worship to suit different men with different capacities and in different sateges of spiritual development.

Sri Ramakrishna

Sorrowful Longing

Let sorrowful longing dwell in your heart,
never give up, never losing hope.
The Beloved says, "The broken ones are My darlings."
Crush your heart, be broken.

- Shaikh Abu Saeed Abil Kheir

God is one

If the last blog about my experience with, The Form, left you a bit confused I will try and explain.

When I was in India in Rishikesh, I lived in an ashram where everyone got up early and did yoga. It was so cool. We lived very simply and washed our clothes with a bucket and soap. We could walk to some small cafes and also to a little village where we could get rice and dahl and vegetable curries. I met some really interesting people there from all over the world, and I would entertain them sometimes with a crazy tune on the sitar.

The ashram was right next to the Ganges River, and all throughout the day you could see people bathing and praying in the swift moving waters. There was the constant sound of chanting mixing with the sound of workers making concrete steps for a big upcoming festival.Women could be seen carrying baskets of gravel down to the construction precariously  balanced on their heads.

So, the headmaster at the ashram, let’s call him Swami Yogadharma, held a meeting every few days where he would lecture about Hindu spirituality and advanced meditation techniques. He was a bit quirky and strange and got really irritated by people asking “stupid” questions. Well, I knew I was only going to be there for a few weeks so I decided to do just that! So after a lecture I came forward, waited for the crowd to leave and asked if I could talk to him.

The Swami's face and body cringed,“What questions do you have?”, he said obviously irritated.

“Well”, I said, thrown back by his attitude, “The most important question I have is this: What Proof is there that consciousness can exist apart from a body?”

“What proof”, he retorted ,”what proof!”, he was mad and borderline irate by now. His Yogadharmaness on full display! The steam was coming out from behind his ears and smoke was in his eyes. “You people come here and ask about proof! You need to leave! Get out of my ashram!”, Swami said while practically exploding with pent up aggression.

I was amused and confused by his odd behavior, and I almost wanted to laugh, but that would not have helped the situation. So I calmly said, “I think you misunderstand my question. I really want to know. I am not trying to challenge your position or anything.”

Well, I could tell by the look in his eye that the conversation was over, so I got up and left the meditation hall feeling quite confused by the strange encounter. It was several hours before I started to make sense of it.

I realized that probably a lot of people come to him and try to figure out “spirituality” with the rational mind, and that a lot of people probably try and challenge him as some kind of ego game. This would explain why he was so irate. It is probably also true that it is mostly westerners that do this. It was unfortunate for him that he didn’t realize that I was genuinely interested in his opinion.

I learned from this experience that the mind has a definite limitation when it comes to understanding spirituality. The mind is certainly very useful with problem solving and reductionist theories, but when it comes to the paradox of creation and the essence of life it fails. Only the heart can wrap itself around such magnificent and expansive experiences. This is the message that I tried to convey in the last blog: That you cannot approach God with the mind. It is only with the heart that this is possible.

All religions intuitively reflect this knowledge. In Buddhism for instance the nature of the creation is described as “empty”. This does not mean it is actually empty, but that words fall short in describing it, that the energy of life is elusive.

In the Tao Te Ching it says that the Tao that can be written is not the real Tao. This clearly means that words and ideas cannot describe the nature of God.

In Christianity you have a God that is all powerful, all knowing, and all everything. In a similar way this means that he is unknowable. How can we understand what it means to be beyond time and space, unlimited, and all powerful? We can’t. This is why the Christ is needed to be the bridge.

So we have the Gods of emptiness and the Gods of infinity, and from what little I know of the metaphysics of numbers, there seems to be a connection between that which is zero and that which is infinite. You could even say that they are the same. So the linear world of Judeo-Christian religion of the perfect creation and eternal life in heaven, comes together with the cyclical world of Eastern religion, of karma and reincarnation. They come together at a very special place that can only be known by the heart.

So this is what I was trying to explain:

“To understand spiritual experience you have to feel it with the heart. You have to experience it for yourself."

“This is the only way that leads to true understanding of God."

News from Haiti

I am sending a link to anyone interested in a first hand account of the earthquake in Haiti. The people of Haiti could use a little help.

http://rollingsinhaiti.wordpress.com/

text 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross

Shaman dance

There is a crystal castle somewhere in the celestial realms, with corridors of crystaline purity. A light shines from within it, such that the entire place glows a faint green of gade. We are now gathering there, slowly drifting through the serpentine passages, and into the central chamber, a vast space with high vaulted ceilings and an alter of pure spirit light. We are now coming together there, settling down, coming to rest, and listening to the stillness with our hearts.

I am prepared to deliver the grand exposition on the nature of consciousness...
"Aahemm," I clear my throat as I step up to the podium...dust flying up from the brittle ancient pages of the Akashic Records. There is feedback from the microphone, and the light of the stage, blinding. I look around the room and see many familiar faces...I see you...I am comforted by the truth that all is Love and that there is nothing to fear in the revelation of Truth...for the Cherubim guard the sacred treasure, not for the sake of God's zealousness, but to play a game with the foolish adventurer.

I say, "Learn the ways of the Shaman dance: Find the pathway into the heart."

"No answer will suffice. No word can quench the thirst of your quarry. No thought or theory will hold its ground under the weight of that which is Real."

"Go and discover the Truth for yourself."

"Feel It!"

"This is the only way."

Haiti disaster

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti and all those effected by the earthquake. Let us pray that the world community will come together and support their effort to heal and rebuild.

The Form

“No recycling today”, I said to Oz, as I served up some tofu scramble and left over lasagna for breakfast. He was looking at me with the obvious expression that something was up.“Will you cover my shift”, he asked. “No way, I got stuff to do”, I said. His expression shrunk back to his usual friendly smile.

“Oh well… We’ll miss you out there”, he replied.

I didn’t care about recycling just then. I was looking forward to attending some of the workshops, as well as spending a few hours on the beach just enjoying the beautiful day. The schedule was just over flowing with a whirlpool of classes and workshops. At two pm, Bernie Prior was offering a workshop on something called, “The Form”, and later in the afternoon I had my eye on Tantra Yoga.

Feeling refreshed and full, I set off for a contemplative walk through the forest. The small trails wandered through the dunes and through the ferns and tall grasses. I found a quiet spot to enjoy the sight and sounds of the moment. Again, walking on, barefoot, I noticed that the forest spilled out onto the beach in little patches of shrubs, and sand, mixing according to some unknown law of order and chaos. I finally stepped out onto the beach, took a deep breath, sat down, and promptly fell asleep. I guess staying up all night finally caught up with me!

I woke up peacefully, but then jumped to my feet hoping that the workshop by Bernie Prior had not started yet. I arrived late, of course, and was quite surprised when I saw Bernie’s students doing some kind of healing on the participants. I had no idea what “The Form” was so I just took a seat and watched. The leaders of the workshop were standing over the participants and moving slowly through a set of organized movements. They would move their hands slowly, aligning energy or something within the participants. I sat and watched this go on for a while and sooner or later a session would end, kind words exchanged, and the participants would head off to somewhere else. Or should I say they would float off to somewhere else: They looked so peaceful and grateful! Now they had my attention. I was intrigued!

A serene looking woman motioned for me to take a seat, and just like that it was my turn. She instructed me to just close my eyes and focus on my breath. So I sat back and began to get relaxed. As the session began I became aware of her movements in front of me. I felt nothing unusual and after a while I started feeling a bit self conscious. I thought to myself that it wasn’t working, and that I wouldn’t know what to say when it was over. “Oh well”, I thought, “at least it is relaxing to just sit here. No harm I guess”

I settled into the familiar feeling of peace and non-dual awareness of meditation, and waited to see what would happen. “Oh wow”, I thought as I was surprised by a feeling of expansive bliss. Something just opened up inside like a curtain, being drawn back and a bright light of love shone down on me. The light was visible to my mind’s eye and I danced with it, swirling and vibrating, mixing and melding. I felt like a new born baby, and a perfectly clear awareness of Truth shed wisdom on my life experience as the person known as “Terry”.

Then the tears came…

The presence of Truth was so blissful and so full of compassion for everything and everyone. In this bright fire of Truth all the memories of suffering of the world burned and disintegrated. My heart was purified and I seemed to transcend the fragments of ego and selfishness. All this occurred in the realm of experience: not a single word was spoken, no teaching was given, nothing. Between the tears of joy and compassion and release, I began to laugh. I simply could not contain the joy. I could not hold back the smile that jittered and danced across my soul. The happiness simply overwhelmed me.

Then the peace came...

I too, like the others, slowly came back to reality, shared a few peaceful words of thanksgiving, and then parted ways with the guide. I had experienced something that I had few words to explain, and few experiences to compare to. In my next blog I will step off into the unknown and attempt to share my understanding of this experience and how it relates to spirituality at large. Please stay tuned and post comments or send me an email if you wish. Thanks for reading and sharing with me.

The promise of renewal

Curling waves of energy formed, crested, and crashed in the broad expanse of my consciousness, while the sands of time poured ceaselessly, settling in the abyss. I was floating free in the bliss of meditation, and with each breath the cool night air mingled with the warmth in my chest. My mind was drifting like a ship heaved too in calm weather. Occasionally I would pull my awareness back to the vision as it unfolded and evolved. The stars turned overhead, and slowly, without noticing, the eternal calm of the night gave way to the coming dawn.

I awoke in a flash when the first sliver of the new sun peirced my awareness. I instinctively pulled my eyes shut against the blaze and took a deep breath, the events of the night coming back to me in a rush. After the music had ended and after our bodies had tired of dancing the crazy shaman dance, our rag tag group of friends decided to go down to the beach to enjoy a fire. Someone then had the brilliant idea that we should all stay up through the night to see the sunrise. So we lit the fire and passed the time telling stories of traveling and of our other lives that we lived while not on the road. I had dressed warm and was comfortable in the night air. When it had become quite late and we were all inevitably drifting off to sleep, I wandered off to be alone. Upon settling down on the edge of a small dune I piled the sand up under me to make a place to sit and meditate. My mind wandered the memories created in those days, and the memories of a lifetime.

I remembered the conversation I had with a guy from Auckland. He was young but I could tell that he had seen a lot of trouble in his life. We had sat together by the fire and he wondered aloud about all the craziness in the world. His stories of calamity and suffering blended one into the next. I didn’t even try to remember them, but it stuck that he was pretty much abandoned by his family and he had turned to the festivities of the Prana festival as a fresh start, too much trouble with drugs and fighting with his dad over work and what he was doing with his life. It seemed like everyone at Prana had a story to tell and I was no exception.

With the bright orange light of the sunrise shining in my eyes, I thought about why I was there at the Prana Festival and about why I had set off on this grand adventure. Was I looking for a fresh start, or running from some past that I still could not understand? Na...

“Renewal!”, I thought to myself as I leapt to my feet shaking off the chill of the night. I stretched my arms out wide and smiled from ear to ear, a new day had begun.

The light of Truth

And now we depart into a new world. We go deeper into the unknown.

I had wandered into a tent where a man named Bernie Prior was giving a talk on spirituality. The many people in the audience were wrapped in attention to his words. He said the world had a plan for us. The world, the entire cosmos was on a path of continual evolution and we are a part of this process. So we have no choice but to evolve with it or suffer in the resistance to this constant process of change. On and on he spoke, lulling us into a sincere belief that the cosmic forces were coming down and shining in through the pine tree branches and tent canvas. Deeper into “The Real” he took us, expanding our vision, expanding our senses.


A serene calm and bliss descended onto us. Looking on the faces of those around me I could see the hint of a warm glow, a vibration of sweet laughter, so high that it could only be felt on the skin. It was the light of truth.

We all know this sweet feeling: that warm glow, that radiant awareness. Our eyes go soft. Our shoulders relax. Our breath goes deep and calm. It comes when our hearts are clear. It comes when we hear a message that resonates deep in our souls and when we let go. It comes when we finally open up to the unknown.

The light of Truth.

Wonderland

The sound of the sea and the sticky moisture of cloud rain drifting through pine trees and over dunes mixed with the smell of camp fire. An orchestra of voices and music danced across the village that grew from a handful to thousands over the first few days of the Prana Festival. We were all there on that lush and magnificent coast to celebrate the wonder of life. Prana means energy I believe and Prana is that which animates the myriad of things that exist in this world. That is, according to the sages of India. The festival was a massive collection of gypsy, Buddhist, angels, spiritual leaders and seekers, musicians, artist, and eco warriors, and this is where my adventure began.

What sweet luck I had to find such an incredible fairytale land and so soon after my arrival in New Zealand. Better than that: I was one of the elves that helped make it all happen. After arriving at the festival grounds I was put to work stringing electric cords for the many campers and vendors. We strung extension cords through the trees and across the access road to get power to the little encampment that could have been called Shangri-La with the various Buddha practices and meditation tents. The “grid” was pushed to the limit in the main area where trucks with freezers and blenders all tried to plug into the same overstretched system of adapters and plugs, and wires. I had the job of flipping breakers and sorting the loads until the fuses stopped popping and the vendors stopped complaining about the power outages.

All in a day’s work I suppose. We were fed well and the fun went on day and night. The volunteer work crew was divided into teams and as soon as the party got started I joined the recycling crew. We would sweep through camp like rats on a holiday, collecting endless varieties of refuse, rubbish, glass, plastic, and compostables. Ah what sweet joy when our shift was over and we were allowed the freedom to wander the festival and peek into the tents to see what workshop or lecture on spirituality or whatever was being delivered.

What sweet luck I had indeed. I had no idea what would happen when I got off that plane and stood on the street corner in Aukland. My first contact in New Zealand was with the many interesting residents of the "Earth Song Eco-village" on the outskirts of Aukland. I rode the train out to their place and again was standing on the street corner waiting for my contact to arrive. The eco-village was just what I imagined and more, and I was given a comfortable place to stay in exhange for a few hours work in the garden each day. My host invited me to come to the festival and I jumped at the chance. I was following my bliss.

down the rabbit-hole...

Whether it is a new twist in a relationship or a new adventure altogether there are times in life when we set out into the Unknown. These times are crucial to who we are. They are what bring in the new and scuttle the old. There is always that unsettling question of: How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? And of course: Do I have what it takes?


When I set out on my trip around the world there was a knot in my stomach, and stars in my eyes. I had imagined this moment in my mind for over 10 years. Yet the feeling of elation and intrigue and fear still surprised me. I floated down that final hallway and was acutely aware of my heart beat and I had to focus to not trip over my own feet as I boarded the plane. Finally, I was leaving! I was setting out on the grand adventure of a lifetime. I squeezed the arm rest on that airplane just to test if it was real, just to test if I was real. I squeezed just as hard on the memory of the goodbyes and promises for the future.

Think about your own life and times, when was the last time that you opened a door that led out into the field of infinite possibilities? I realize now that we have an opportunity to do this every day, in fact we can do it in every moment. I realize now that having jumped down the rabbit-hole that there is no going back. There are only new adventures waiting around every corner.

What is it that changes? Is it simply a matter of being open to the myriad of possibilities? Or does the thin egg shell of who we think we are get a new crack in it, revealing a dazzling and bright light beyond, every time we are willing to take the chance?

Serpentine grass

Here, now, among the serpentine grass, scrub oak and willow, our great mother breathes in deep, settling into the bright green of renewal and lightness. This moment is something we who live here hold in our hearts, we drink it in, before ascending into the long season of dry and dust. This moment is the depth of our winter. It is the silence of our stillness.


Sometimes we don't see the change from the castle of our busy lives, but the body is always aware. It knows when we don’t. It will breath in this renewal while we sleep, and while we drive by the lush green fields and mushroom tops.

My New Year's resolution?

Awareness.